Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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