trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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