i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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