I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
