We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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