I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
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I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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