is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
