If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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