I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
