Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my phone needs a breathalizer
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
