after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
