Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
