they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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