You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize