did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize