You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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