im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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