im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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