i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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