just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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