at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I cut my penus on the lid.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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