dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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