I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
