WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
