this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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