I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Everyone says I win the strip club
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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