Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
