Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
