Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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