When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
