i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
