Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
