____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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