so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
