I just pynch a tree in the face
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
