Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
