I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
