the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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