I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
