Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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