i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we made out on top of his cat.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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