my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
