A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
