so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
