Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
