ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
