Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
