My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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