We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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