There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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