Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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