I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize