It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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