No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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