Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize