i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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