i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
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