Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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