Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
