so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
