508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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