marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
