You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
