So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
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i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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