Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
