Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
