fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
