Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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