At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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