stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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