And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize